I'm wondering about that quote. I'm not sure what it means. Sometimes I miss what alcohol gave me, like a buzz, oblivion, an escape. I guess I could characterize that as "grieving" for what I can't have any more. But as far as grieving my old "self" . . . I'm not sure I understand that. My non-drinking self is better in every way from my drinking self. I can't grieve the loss of the old insecure, anxious, nauseated, depressed me. I understand more grieving the loss of that old lying, false "friend," alcohol.
I hope I don't sound like I'm trying to be argumentative. I'm not. I just so do not miss the old "me" that it's hard for me to understand the idea of grieving for that old "self." She was in every way inferior to who I am now. (I think! I could be wrong . . . maybe someone will enlighten me).
I agree that my non drinking self is much better than my shoshed self.
I took it to mean it is ok to miss the social things you did, the friends you lost, and the changes that you made to become this better version of you.
Kind of like my ex husband... we had 5 great years (married 15 😜) It is ok to miss those 5, even though he was ultimately toxic.
True. I miss a lot about drinking. I just don’t miss who I am/was when drinking. I would like to be able to be my best self who has a rare martini. Unfortunately I know that’s an impossibility. On the other hand, I’ve just realized that my nostalgia for a martini can’t just be for the delicious taste. Nothing tastes THAT good. Something I need to think about.
I am nostalgic when I see a fav bar where I used to sit and have a few drinks after work. I miss that routine and unwinding time. But it would always make me want to get a bottle on the way home and drink some more.
I miss the good times I had with drinking like dancing with friends, watching playoff games, playing euchre with friends, sitting around a campfire with a drink. But I have to keep on reminding myself all of those good times were fleeting; and many ended up with me on the bathroom floor or with a hangover.
I think that quote means what you want it to mean to you. I actually didn't mind the drinking Julie in the early days. But as I became a drunk, I was a crying, emotional mess. Ohhh those are bad memories.
I am starting to get into a groove with working out after work. I think I can form some positive habits little by little; I have to just give myself some time and be patient.
I miss some things too... like my wife dropping me off at a sports bar to watch football and drink beer while she went shopping or the Friday nights on the back porch talking alcohol fueled smack. Meh. My wife still drinks some, but I really don't care and the longer I don't drink, it's really not even a point of conversation anymore, it's just me. That said, there's a lot more that I don't miss....the forgotten conversations, the raging anxiety, crappy sleep, and 40 lbs.
Does anyone have friends or family who don't understand why you quit drinking? I DO! They say things like, "it's not that hard to stop at one or two." even though I tell them it was all consuming, and one reason my health deteriorated (both mentally and physically) and I was 100 lbs overweight, and one reason my health did a 180 and I lost 100 lbs after I quit drinking.... they still don't get it or even laugh at the situation. I am NOT one of those that give others a hard time about their choice to drink, even though some have problems with it like I did. Anyway, just a little rant...
PS....I just celebrated 1 1/2 years AF a couple weeks back and feeling incredible!
@nighthawk584 People that give you a hard time are truly insecure about their own drinking habits. This is the ONLY explanation. Good for you on your 100 lbs weight loss! That is very inspiring.
Hmmm. I'm back reading this thread again. Work stress has been through the roof, iv had anxiety and feeling overwhelmed and all those horrid emotions / feelings. Feeling like I want to run away. Anyway. I don't think my 3 boozing sessions this month have helped. I have been eyeing my quit drinking book at home. I'm feeling like I'm kinda getting caught back up in the trap again. Alcohol seems like an escape. But I know the 'feel good' buzz only lasts a short while. Toying with buying alcohol again tonight. Long work week and packed with stress. I kinda acknowledge I'm using it as a bit of an excuse, only cos I have used healthier coping mechanisms in the past and they have been useful / helpful. I just feel quite weak willed right now. But, I'm back reading the thread and it's very inspiring.
@FeelingFooFoo, the constant pondering what to do is exhausting. I think we've all been there. Hoping you find your right path. I know you've read Annie Grace and maybe Allen Carr. If you haven't done so, you might check out Bex Weller, Sara(h?) Hepola, Lotta Dann . . . in other words the "quit lit" narratives. They can be quite inspiring and comforting in a way to read about people who have been there, done that, including struggling with the issue of whether or not to quit drinking.
@FeelinFooFoo It takes time to work our way through our AF struggles. I have been on this journey for about 3 years now, and finally it is clicking. I have been having longer AF periods than ever. I think our brains are so used to relying on alcohol that we have to reprogram them. You're making progress month by month.
Today is 42 days for me. I am feeling good this morning! Sleep has never been better. But it took a few weeks of being AF for my sleep to get better. I am hoping my liver is regenerating which is in my top 3 goals for being AF.
Netflix has a documentary The Truth about Alcohol that is a good reminder of why we should be AF as much as possible. The documentary tells us nothing new but just another nugget of inspiration.
I am also starting Morning Pages today. (where you free write three pages of your thoughts and then shred them) It is supposed to unlock creativity. Julia Cameron wrote the book 30 years ago.
Another goal: Join the local Hiking Club.
When I woke today, I felt energetic and excited for the day to come. Sobriety brings long long hours in a day but with time I will make better use of those hours.
I still crave, but just take it one day at a time.
Does anyone have friends or family who don't understand why you quit drinking? I DO! They say things like, "it's not that hard to stop at one or two." even though I tell them it was all consuming, and one reason my health deteriorated (both mentally and physically) and I was 100 lbs overweight, and one reason my health did a 180 and I lost 100 lbs after I quit drinking.... they still don't get it or even laugh at the situation. I am NOT one of those that give others a hard time about their choice to drink, even though some have problems with it like I did. Anyway, just a little rant...
PS....I just celebrated 1 1/2 years AF a couple weeks back and feeling incredible!
OMG 100 pounds lost. That is amazing progress!! So inspiring. I don't have friends who dont understand why I quit BUT when I hang out with them, I feel like a dud. I have been distancing myself from them which can be a little lonely. Rant anytime. It helps all of us.
@RubyRed427, 42 days is HUGE! 6 weeks!!! Yay, you! I hope you do something very special for yourself to celebrate. I'm still all about the rewards. Pavlov would have loved me. Give me a milestone and I instinctively buy lotions, books, and on Day 100, a bracelet. No joke, though, it is one of my motivators. Well done, you. Enjoy your hike.
Congrats to everyones success. Just wanted to add my SO is a week in. Never thought Id see the day. Hes struggling but determined to feel better. Hes gone from heavy drinking cold turkey. I hope it lasts for his sake and the rest of the household.
Happy Af day to all and to those struggling never give up. I had more starts and stops than you can shake a stick at. Idk what that means lol but i say it anyway.
I saw this quote today, "One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up rather than what they have to gain." Rick Godwin
Focus on the benefits of an AF life, they are many, many, many as we have seen enumerated on this thread.
I saw this quote today, "One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up rather than what they have to gain." Rick Godwin
Focus on the benefits of an AF life, they are many, many, many as we have seen enumerated on this thread.
This is how I've been thinking. Poor me- I have to give up alcohol. How can I relax? Why can everyone else drink? I am missing out.
Thanks for the reminder that that mindset will only make me miserable.
I will try to focus on benefits of AF!
@RubyRed427, that is so true. One of the insights I got from a person who has several years under her belt was that she stopped going to AA after a while because she felt the mindset (in her particular group, at least) of struggling to make it just one more day implied that alcohol was something desirable that she was giving up. Instead, she found it more helpful to think of it as something she was so glad to be free from and didn't even want to think about. I personally found that helpful. Again, the analogy to a bad boyfriend seems apt. After a while, why would we need to grit our teeth to get through each day without the jerk when we could move on to something better?
@RubyRed427, that is so true. One of the insights I got from a person who has several years under her belt was that she stopped going to AA after a while because she felt the mindset (in her particular group, at least) of struggling to make it just one more day implied that alcohol was something desirable that she was giving up. Instead, she found it more helpful to think of it as something she was so glad to be free from and didn't even want to think about. I personally found that helpful. Again, the analogy to a bad boyfriend seems apt. After a while, why would we need to grit our teeth to get through each day without the jerk when we could move on to something better?
Yes I can see that about AA. My sister doesn't use AA or any program and has been sober for 222+ days. I have been attending AA and for now it is working for me. I am reward driven. And I love the ideas on here about rewarding ourselves with a piece of jewelry or perhaps a service (like mani, pedi, massage). I am also eagerly looking forward to my two month coin.
I just googled sober things to do in my city, and found the usual things like museums, zoo, etc. I think probably I am overthinking this; I can do anything I always enjoyed, just do it sober. (except for going to bars- too tempting)
Replies
I agree that my non drinking self is much better than my shoshed self.
I took it to mean it is ok to miss the social things you did, the friends you lost, and the changes that you made to become this better version of you.
Kind of like my ex husband... we had 5 great years (married 15 😜) It is ok to miss those 5, even though he was ultimately toxic.
I miss the good times I had with drinking like dancing with friends, watching playoff games, playing euchre with friends, sitting around a campfire with a drink. But I have to keep on reminding myself all of those good times were fleeting; and many ended up with me on the bathroom floor or with a hangover.
I think that quote means what you want it to mean to you. I actually didn't mind the drinking Julie in the early days. But as I became a drunk, I was a crying, emotional mess. Ohhh those are bad memories.
I am starting to get into a groove with working out after work. I think I can form some positive habits little by little; I have to just give myself some time and be patient.
PS....I just celebrated 1 1/2 years AF a couple weeks back and feeling incredible!
Netflix has a documentary The Truth about Alcohol that is a good reminder of why we should be AF as much as possible. The documentary tells us nothing new but just another nugget of inspiration.
I am also starting Morning Pages today. (where you free write three pages of your thoughts and then shred them) It is supposed to unlock creativity. Julia Cameron wrote the book 30 years ago.
Another goal: Join the local Hiking Club.
When I woke today, I felt energetic and excited for the day to come. Sobriety brings long long hours in a day but with time I will make better use of those hours.
I still crave, but just take it one day at a time.
OMG 100 pounds lost. That is amazing progress!! So inspiring. I don't have friends who dont understand why I quit BUT when I hang out with them, I feel like a dud. I have been distancing myself from them which can be a little lonely. Rant anytime. It helps all of us.
Happy Af day to all and to those struggling never give up. I had more starts and stops than you can shake a stick at. Idk what that means lol but i say it anyway.
Focus on the benefits of an AF life, they are many, many, many as we have seen enumerated on this thread.
This is how I've been thinking. Poor me- I have to give up alcohol. How can I relax? Why can everyone else drink? I am missing out.
Thanks for the reminder that that mindset will only make me miserable.
I will try to focus on benefits of AF!
Morning thought: "I am soooo glad I didn't drink last night."
Yes I can see that about AA. My sister doesn't use AA or any program and has been sober for 222+ days. I have been attending AA and for now it is working for me. I am reward driven. And I love the ideas on here about rewarding ourselves with a piece of jewelry or perhaps a service (like mani, pedi, massage). I am also eagerly looking forward to my two month coin.
I just googled sober things to do in my city, and found the usual things like museums, zoo, etc. I think probably I am overthinking this; I can do anything I always enjoyed, just do it sober. (except for going to bars- too tempting)