Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Whatever happens, I am sure you and your hubby will be all the stronger for it. You are dealing with it together. I kind of have a similar thing, although the stepson lives in our house, we never see him due to work or his being out with friends, or he's asleep while we are all home. He's 23, we have gotten several used cars for him, this current one, he has been told will be the last one we purchase. Still he has no incentive to find his own place and move out. Our house is a little cramped and I had planned to move my youngest into his room, when I was under the impression he was moving out with a friend. That fell through, so now we are stuck. Still paying for his phone and car insurance too. He has been asked to pay for these things and has not begun to pay for them. His job is enough for him to pay for that at least. I am pretty frustrated myself.
Getting adult kids out on their own and out of the nest is TOUGH. We were worried for a while about ours, but they all ended up out of the house and on their own by the age of 19. My husband likes to take credit for it, but I say it was by the grace of God. Plus, we enforced annoying rules that the other parents didn't have such as no underage drinking and no overnight visits of the boyfriends/girlfriends. I figure they hated living with us more than they hated struggling on their own.
Scary, though, because as I've mentioned to @MoHousdon they are still very immature and impulsive at that age. The decisions they make then can affect them much more.
Anyway, sometimes kids are just late bloomers. I'm hoping your stepson leaves the nest and becomes independent soon!
Thanks. We hope so too. I feel like we have not asked enough of him for him to decide it would be better to live out of the house. If he were going to college, then I would be more than happy for him to have a place to stay, but he has chosen not to go that route. I would put my foot down, but I would like to have my husband support that decision and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry about it.0 -
I did too. The porn star plastic boobs and photo poses didn't really tie in with the ballet and fitness profile I read..? Confused.maryelgin1988 wrote: »I wish I had the bod of Rosa Acosta! !! Yeah I know I probably never will but before I stuff my face w cupcakes or want to junk food out next time, I'm going to visualize her body w my head. Lol
So I had to google that name. Wooo lawdhammercy!
LOL once I saw the google image thumbnails I didn't go any further. Don't wanna set off the web filters in IT.
Yes! I typed in her name, guess I was looking at images on that tab last, and a whole lot of inappropriate pictures popped up, so immediately closed it.0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »
Yeah, that's tricky. I'll be interested to see if anyone else offers advice. My daughter is working now, but the plan is that this is a year off from university while she gets her health in check. We're still paying for her phone etc and she has use of a car (kind of shared between her and her brother), and I'm wondering if we should expect her to pay something towards her keep.I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Whatever happens, I am sure you and your hubby will be all the stronger for it. You are dealing with it together. I kind of have a similar thing, although the stepson lives in our house, we never see him due to work or his being out with friends, or he's asleep while we are all home. He's 23, we have gotten several used cars for him, this current one, he has been told will be the last one we purchase. Still he has no incentive to find his own place and move out. Our house is a little cramped and I had planned to move my youngest into his room, when I was under the impression he was moving out with a friend. That fell through, so now we are stuck. Still paying for his phone and car insurance too. He has been asked to pay for these things and has not begun to pay for them. His job is enough for him to pay for that at least. I am pretty frustrated myself.
Just my opinion, but I think that adults over 20 should definitely be paying something towards their keep, if not paying for all their own extras while living at home (car, phone, non-essentials). In my experience, people whose parents give them a free ride with no end in sight often just milk it for all it's worth.
I may just be jealous though because my mom made me watch my baby brother for free after school and all day in the summer from the time I was 12 until I was 17 so she could work two jobs. Then, when I was 17 she made me get a real job and contribute to the household with the money I made. These kids don't know how good they have it and it irrationally bothers me.
I agree, but it's not all "good". It's a short-term enabling and then they have no idea how to deal with the real world. I'm sorry you are bitter about some things in your past, but honestly, I guarantee that made you a better, stronger person!0 -
I hope you do to! What is your plan?
Well, to me he just sounds like any other Englishman, so...
My husband has a fairly 'posh' English accent (his mother - RIP - sounded like the Queen) and he has no idea that women swoon when he talks to them.
Are we watching cricket and eating cake?orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
I don't care what we're doing as long as there are real English people there who I can listen to speak
You are one lucky lady!!
Haha I know..I'm just jealous! But hopefully I'll get to be with my Englishman full time in the next year
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berlynnwall wrote: »girldownsouth wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »
First time thing. Sigh. Oh well.
Anyway, I hope you all have a good weekend!
Wasn't this the day you were supposed to have the "talk"? Or am I completely wrong
Yes, he decided he was too tired to come over which caused another fight. We did end up talking Saturday. I'm going to try to work things out but I'm still torn. I want to try therapy and then if nothing changes, I'm done.
My heart physically hurts because I want to stay but yet leave. When things are good they are wonderful but I don't know if I can forgive, forget and trust again. That's why I want to try therapy first.
Now to catch up with the rest of the thread.
Can I ask a question, I apologise if it's intrusive. I'm guessing from some of the things you've said you live apart? But you said you've been together 11 years. Is moving in together something you've discussed? And if so what has stopped you?
Sorry I just saw this. Yea we live apart. We stay together (or used to-not so much now) a lot though. We had planned on moving in together but things keep getting in the way. I seriously think he is someone who doesn't want to make a serious commitment. That is one reason why I don't think this will work either way.
It sucks that I'm so in love with someone that I will probably have to leave someday. I just don't know how I'm going to get through everything.
That just breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you've invested so much time in someone that doesn't seem to feel the same way. That really sucks. I wish you all the best because you deserve to be happy regardless if that's with or without someone else. Hugs to you, friend.
Thank you. He was a no show again last night (after he told me he would try to make me a priority...that shows me how important I am). I think he is done.
He either doesn't care about you or he just doesn't care about anything at all. But waiting around for someone else like that to make decisions that will affect you is no way to live. I know it's hard because I have lived it but at some point you need to realize he is not the one for you. I mean really, 11 years is enough time to prove if this is a worthwhile relationship and it sounds like he is just stringing you along because he knows you aren't going anywhere because you already caught him doing terrible things and if you are willing to accept that, surely you will accept more indecisiveness and procrastination. Personally, if I were you, I would start making your preparations now. I assure you, in the end you will wish you had done it sooner. Best of luck to you and BE STRONG.
I'm sorry (to Froggy), but I have to agree. You don't want to let him be the one to end it. That is the worst feeling- knowing you let them hurt you that one last time.
Thank you and m1xm0d3.0 -
Is your accent more Downton Abbey or Dick Van *kitten* Cockney?orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Edit: That's hilarious, it censored Dick Van D y k e!!
Um, I'm not sure. I don't say governor, or tally ho ole chap (this reminds me of a friends episode where Ross is teaching a class and starts speaking with a TERRIBLE British accent).
It's more like Kate Winslet or Kate Beckensale. So what would that be?
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orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Here, you have biscuits and tea. Cookies are 'merican
Alright, biscuits, then.
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I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Whatever happens, I am sure you and your hubby will be all the stronger for it. You are dealing with it together. I kind of have a similar thing, although the stepson lives in our house, we never see him due to work or his being out with friends, or he's asleep while we are all home. He's 23, we have gotten several used cars for him, this current one, he has been told will be the last one we purchase. Still he has no incentive to find his own place and move out. Our house is a little cramped and I had planned to move my youngest into his room, when I was under the impression he was moving out with a friend. That fell through, so now we are stuck. Still paying for his phone and car insurance too. He has been asked to pay for these things and has not begun to pay for them. His job is enough for him to pay for that at least. I am pretty frustrated myself.
Kind of sounds like we're in the same boat. Do you have an extra life jacket?
I'm trying to not let this overtake my life, but I'm just reminded of it every time I go home. I need to just put it to rest until after we get back. I appreciate you all listening to my whining about this.
Of course I have extras!! Climb aboard! I do find it hard sometimes to put it aside. I just hate when it gets to a point where everyone is frustrated and fighting about it. I am trying to find a way around that situation.0 -
I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Whatever happens, I am sure you and your hubby will be all the stronger for it. You are dealing with it together. I kind of have a similar thing, although the stepson lives in our house, we never see him due to work or his being out with friends, or he's asleep while we are all home. He's 23, we have gotten several used cars for him, this current one, he has been told will be the last one we purchase. Still he has no incentive to find his own place and move out. Our house is a little cramped and I had planned to move my youngest into his room, when I was under the impression he was moving out with a friend. That fell through, so now we are stuck. Still paying for his phone and car insurance too. He has been asked to pay for these things and has not begun to pay for them. His job is enough for him to pay for that at least. I am pretty frustrated myself.
Getting adult kids out on their own and out of the nest is TOUGH. We were worried for a while about ours, but they all ended up out of the house and on their own by the age of 19. My husband likes to take credit for it, but I say it was by the grace of God. Plus, we enforced annoying rules that the other parents didn't have such as no underage drinking and no overnight visits of the boyfriends/girlfriends. I figure they hated living with us more than they hated struggling on their own.
Scary, though, because as I've mentioned to @MoHousdon they are still very immature and impulsive at that age. The decisions they make then can affect them much more.
Anyway, sometimes kids are just late bloomers. I'm hoping your stepson leaves the nest and becomes independent soon!
Thanks. We hope so too. I feel like we have not asked enough of him for him to decide it would be better to live out of the house. If he were going to college, then I would be more than happy for him to have a place to stay, but he has chosen not to go that route. I would put my foot down, but I would like to have my husband support that decision and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry about it.
THIS is what makes it tough. I know this as well. My husband and I weren't on the same page about a lot of that stuff, but for some reason all the kids came out okay. That's why I say it had nothing to do with us and our parenting. I take zero credit.
I find it odd that your husband isn't in a hurry for his son to not necessarily leave, but become independent. Usually dads are the ones that want the kids out ASAP. Although I realize it is a generalization.
What does your stepson currently do? Is he interested in any trades? That's an important avenue to look into when you don't want to go to college.0 -
I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Ugh I'm sorry. I hope you have a great vacation. Maybe just enjoy each other and try not to talk about your step daughter at all
I don't plan on uttering her name 1 time. During that week, she shall be like Voldemort; she who shall not be named.
I also plan on stuffing my face and not giving a tiny rats @ss about calories or macros. I will look like a bloated beauty in my bikinis.
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I spent a month away from home and my house was a mess. The worst thing was seeing all of the perishables I had purchased moldy or shriveled. People can be so gross...kelly_c_77 wrote: »Checking in from page 918. I spent the last 37 hours in bed. No joke. On average, my Fitbit tells me I take 27,000 steps a day. Yesterday, my total was 414. I got so unbelievably sick Monday afternoon that I called my husband home from work early so I could rest. After lots and lots of vomiting(sorry) and sleeping and a tiny bit of food yesterday, I'm feeling much better. Not quite 100% but ok enough that my husband went back to work today (he took yesterday off because we don't have anyone else to help watch our son). Anyway, while I am very thankful that my husband took time off from work checking in on me and making sure I had everything I needed and he kept our son happy, fed, (and alive)...holy cow, the house(kitchen mostly) was a disaster! Like I said, I was literally in bed for 37 hours except for bathroom trips so when I came downstairs this morning...OMG! Dishes, crumbs, empty cans, cat's water bowl just about empty,..etc etc. Thank goodness I'm back to join the living because I'm afraid to see what the house would have looked like after another day without me!
Hope everyone else is doing well..I've got some catching up to do...in between cleaning!!
ETA: I hope I don't sound b*tchy...I really do appreciate my husband..so, so much for so many things beyond helping me when I am sick. I think it's just nice to see that I am needed..he got a glimpse into my day as a stay at home mom...it's not just all relaxing with our son playing games, and having fun. There's cleaning, laundry, dishes, and meals to be made, cats to take care of, etc. etc.
Ok enough.
Glad to see you're feeling better!
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orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Here, you have biscuits and tea. Cookies are 'merican
Alright, biscuits, then.
Biscuits always brings hard cookies to my mind, like Oreos or Digestives. Not that I have anything against them, but I want soft, chewy, gooey COOKIES! Or you know what? Gimme a scone. With butter. 0 -
I talk a bit like Kate Winslet - Home Counties girl. Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors is another good example.
Is your accent more Downton Abbey or Dick Van *kitten* Cockney?orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Edit: That's hilarious, it censored Dick Van D y k e!!
um, I'm not sure. I don't say governor, or tally ho ole chap (this reminds me of a friends episode where Ross is teaching a class and starts speaking with a TERRIBLE British accent).
It's more like Kate Winslet or Kate Beckensale. So what would that be?
Fun fact: Kate W's from Reading, and had her (first) wedding reception in the hall of the school where my friend's daughters went. They apparently served bangers and mash.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Well, this has been going on for a while. No need to ruin vacation plans over it. I'd just ignore it as best you can. You both deserve your anniversary and vacation and nothing is going to change with the step-daughter in the next few weeks anyway, I'm guessing.
Nineteen is a tough age! Yes, they should be adults, but their brains are still developing and lack maturity. She will get better at some point, but probably not until her early 20's, IME. My kids all became normal humans again by 21 or so.
I disagree, honestly. I'm 20, and I've had to adult (yes, I'm using that as a verb.
) since I was 14 or 15 years old, due to circumstances beyond my own control. The behavior of others my age frankly disgusts me sometimes--they're old enough to have some manners and consideration for the feelings of other people, they just don't want to bother.
Yep!
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I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Ugh I'm sorry. I hope you have a great vacation. Maybe just enjoy each other and try not to talk about your step daughter at all
I don't plan on uttering her name 1 time. During that week, she shall be like Voldemort; she who shall not be named.
I also plan on stuffing my face and not giving a tiny rats @ss about calories or macros. I will look like a bloated beauty in my bikinis.
^^ So Much THIS!! Enjoy your vacation.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Here, you have biscuits and tea. Cookies are 'merican
Alright, biscuits, then.
Biscuits always brings hard cookies to my mind, like Oreos or Digestives. Not that I have anything against them, but I want soft, chewy, gooey COOKIES! Or you know what? Gimme a scone. With butter.
I miss scones. Never been able to enjoy one since my Grandma passed away. She made the best and always made a special batch for me without raisins. I hate raisins!!0 -
@CountessKitteh - I'd say use the supervisor at current job. Ask first, and I'm sure she knows to be discreet.
I worked at the same company for 10 years before I made the last move. I had to use colleagues from that company. I searched for a while, and my references were contacted more than once. It didn't come out until the last interview before the offer for the position I accepted. That was only because the interviewer knew a senior level VP at my company and asked him about me (without my permission).
@crosbylee - If you find the secret to launching him, let me know. I fear my 20 year old son will never leave. He lost his job, and he doesn't seem in a big hurry to find another one. I actually co-signed a car loan for him while he was working, thinking that would help his motivation. He has several months of payments saved up, I should have made him start paying rent while he was working. Ugh.0 -
I did it. I messaged my stepdaughter. This is what I said.
"You need to message your dad. He needs to talk to you, but you haven't returned his text message. Also, Sunday is Father's Day and I didn't know if you were planning on being around."
It was probably not the nicest message, but it's a lot nicer than what I wanted to say which is this.
Come pick up your cat from hell, give me my key, get your stuff, and get out. You obviously don't want to be a part of our lives and I'm not going to be your storage unit and cat's caretaker anymore. Your dad has tried really hard to make sure you feel a part of our family, we all have, and you've done nothing but take advantage of that and I've had enough. Oh, and I expect you to have a check for $400 for your tags to your dad by Monday.
Every time I think about her and what's been going on, I get so angry and want to cry (that's probably more PMS) and I just hoped when she came into our lives, things would be so different. I'm sad now.
How many times did you consider sending the second message and then erase it? If she didn't have the money for the tags, the car would have to stay at the house.
I never typed any part of the second message, I just thought it and have been for quite some time now.
My husband brought this up during our "discussion" (fight) last Friday. He asked if I wanted him to take the car away from her if she couldn't pay the tags, and I said no because then she wouldn't have any way to get to work. Although, that's not really my problem. I wasn't relying on other people when I was 19, I had a car that I paid for and was working AND going to college full time. I know she's not me, but she needs to learn some accountability and responsibility. I might make the suggestion that until she CAN pay for the tags, that he drive the car since it's in his name anyway.
I'm afraid that if I keep bringing this up to my husband, we'll have a terrible vacation and anniversary and I've waited 15 DAMN years for this and I REFUSE to let her ruin that for us. Why does she have to be such a selfish brat?!
Whatever happens, I am sure you and your hubby will be all the stronger for it. You are dealing with it together. I kind of have a similar thing, although the stepson lives in our house, we never see him due to work or his being out with friends, or he's asleep while we are all home. He's 23, we have gotten several used cars for him, this current one, he has been told will be the last one we purchase. Still he has no incentive to find his own place and move out. Our house is a little cramped and I had planned to move my youngest into his room, when I was under the impression he was moving out with a friend. That fell through, so now we are stuck. Still paying for his phone and car insurance too. He has been asked to pay for these things and has not begun to pay for them. His job is enough for him to pay for that at least. I am pretty frustrated myself.
Getting adult kids out on their own and out of the nest is TOUGH. We were worried for a while about ours, but they all ended up out of the house and on their own by the age of 19. My husband likes to take credit for it, but I say it was by the grace of God. Plus, we enforced annoying rules that the other parents didn't have such as no underage drinking and no overnight visits of the boyfriends/girlfriends. I figure they hated living with us more than they hated struggling on their own.
Scary, though, because as I've mentioned to @MoHousdon they are still very immature and impulsive at that age. The decisions they make then can affect them much more.
Anyway, sometimes kids are just late bloomers. I'm hoping your stepson leaves the nest and becomes independent soon!
Thanks. We hope so too. I feel like we have not asked enough of him for him to decide it would be better to live out of the house. If he were going to college, then I would be more than happy for him to have a place to stay, but he has chosen not to go that route. I would put my foot down, but I would like to have my husband support that decision and he doesn't seem to be in a hurry about it.
We are indeed in the same boat. Good luck, @crosbylee .
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Embarrassing Confession: A few months ago, I found out about a website called BeautifulPeople.com through another forum. They were laughing about how ridiculous it was, and I thought it was pretty shallow a concept. However, everyone jumped in and tried to get approved. You upload a picture and if the members deem you ''beautiful enough,'' you get to become a member. Ratings are ''ABSOLUTELY NOT!'' ''No.'' ''Hmmm ok'' and ''Beautiful!'' I uploaded a picture of me (plus a false name) out of curiosity, and to my overwhelming surprise I got in! You have to pay to use their site, so I wasn't going to do that (not that I had any plans of using the site anyway
). I feel a little embarrassed at having done that though.
(Also, yay, I haven't been flagged!)
EDIT: I have actually used it a few times, because as a member I can vote for people to get approved. I can't do anything for the women, but I always vote ''Beautiful'' on every man I see. I know how hurtful it feels to get those ''absolutely nots,'' and I want them to have at least one beautiful, because I'm one of those dopey people who think everyone has a beauty to them.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »FOR ORANGESMARTIE:
Keep on climbing that mountain, baby steps at a time. Sending all good wishes for your mum's surgery today. Have you taken your pill today? If not, go and do it now... Right now... Good. (((HUGS)))
Thank you everyone for supportive messages.
I have taken my tablets today and yesterday.
@MoHousdon I love the idea that this is a village. I'm imagining us all in little English country cottages, nattering over the garden fence and on the village green
Good for you!
I would love that! As long as I can eat cookies and have tea. I would make an EXCELLENT English person/woman. Plus, I do a pretty good English accent.
I may have been doing one in my head just then.
Here, you have biscuits and tea. Cookies are 'merican
Alright, biscuits, then.
Biscuits always brings hard cookies to my mind, like Oreos or Digestives. Not that I have anything against them, but I want soft, chewy, gooey COOKIES! Or you know what? Gimme a scone. With butter.
YES, a scone! I'll take a scone and some tea!
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