Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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MissLaaber wrote: »TOM started yesterday, which explains why I was so emotional and sensitive this weekend. Two weeks from now I have a bridal shower, elementary (grade school) reunion and a 5k race. I will not binge eat during TOM dammit, I guess there is a lot of tea and gum in my future lol
Not sure if you prefer fruity or minty gum but I just got the Sugar Free Juicy Fruit Strawberry Starburst flavored gum yesterday...and it definitely helped me not binge last night!!!0 -
Due to circumstances, my grandma (mom's mom) has to move in with us for a few weeks...and I have to share my room. She's moving in on Friday. There goes my solitude and privacy.
The worst part is, I barely know her. I've seen her maybe a handful of times that I can remember in my life, most recently about two years ago. She is not a good "grandma." She has never been interested in knowing me or my siblings.
My own grandma is a stranger. This is gonna be awkward.
I also barely know my mom's siblings; three aunts and an uncle. They have never lived really close to me ever; those three aunts are in Florida and I'm in Ohio.
It's weird because I'm so close with my paternal grandparents and my aunts/uncles/cousins.
It's just weird how you can be close with one side of your family and the other is foreign; when I see my mom's family, it's like meeting them for the first time, every time.
I can relate. I have some weird family dynamics. Losing your privacy and solitude would be really difficult, but I say give it a chance. She may turn out to be a super awesome person! Initially, it will be awkward, but just be yourself and I hope it works out well for all of you!0 -
DeannaCoersCarter wrote: »Alma102724 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.
Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.
For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.
I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
Death has a way of making everyone react differently. Some people can let it out while others sit back and feel guilt or complete disbelief. You grieve differently than everyone else and you'll see yourself heal in different ways. It does get better though. Just remember that no one is perfect and it sounds like you took care of him. That's a great thing to do, honestly. You sound like a great person. Take a deep breath and realize that it's just the process of grieving.
Well said and welcome to the thread!0 -
karenlwashburn wrote: »I don't like people talking to me, even saying hello, when I'm working out and by the end of the season I have about 6 neighbors bugging me per workout.. I look forward to cold weather so I have it as an excuse not to workout anymore. I had one guy last year every day show me how large his dog was getting it made me so mad as I was timing myself and didn't want to be bothered. My husband says I have "hang ups".
I feel like this is perfectly reasonable! I love my husband, but he can drive me nuts when I'm working out. He doesn't work out so he doesn't get it at all. He thinks nothing of asking me a question in the middle of a set or when I'm in the middle of a Zumba session.
Oh gosh yes. If I work out when my guy is here, he always bothers me, even when I point blank tell him that it is annoying. I think he just wants my attention since we've been apart all day, so I've started working out right after I drop off the kids at school so that I'm home alone!
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kelly_c_77 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same timeFluffySandwich wrote: »And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here!
I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.
When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.
I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is thatAlma102724 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.
Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.
For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.
I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
I have to agree with this also. My parents were together for almost 50 years when my mom passed last year. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired at an early age. So once he retired, they were both home every day together for the past 25 years and were so close. They built their own little world in that house and now my dad has to live in it...alone. It is heartbreaking. Going through my mom's things to help clean out the house was just awful...everything in there had a memory to go with it...and we had to see my dad struggle with each item he touched. In my 36 years, I had never seen my dad cry...until last year. Now it's kind of normal to see him cry...because he does it so often.
That is heartbreaking, and I get where you are coming from. My dad was always a brutish bull type of dude. When my mom passed away two years ago he broke. Now he is a huge puppy dog and it is taking me a while to get used to it, but I love my dad and only wish my mom had gotten to see him as the humble caring man he is now.
Ps. Lucky for my dad my parents rented so we got him a new smaller apartment asap so as not to have him sitting in an apartment full of memories.
Thank you..and to the others who have responded.
The only "good" thing that has come from everything is that my siblings and I talk to my Dad every day on the phone now..and keep in way better touch with each other as well. If we didn't call him every day...he would be completely alone and not talk to anyone until he goes to do his groceries once a week. In the past, it wasn't uncommon to go 2 weeks without talking to my parents...and months/years without contact with my siblings. My mom would be so happy to see how much we've come together. It's just such a shame that it couldn't have happened sooner..and under better circumstances.
Sorry for your loss, as well.0 -
Confession: I'm a bad friend. My best friend is moving into a new house in a couple weeks. She created an event thing on Facebook asking people to come help them move. I have no desire to help them. I hate moving myself, why would I want to move someone else? I'm also not overly fond of her family, or her husband and his family (who will be there). What makes me feel worse about my laziness is that she's 8 months pregnant and isn't able to do any of the moving/lifting. In my defense she will have (at least) her husband, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 sister-in- law (and her boyfriend), and most likely both sets of parents moving them. So... with 7-9 people helping, do I really need to be there? I feel terrible, but I still don't want to do it.
Sometimes I feel like an alien from outer space. I see you all describe situations like this and I'm left blinking and wondering if it is normal to expect other people to help you move. I'd probably be suckered into it just because I wouldn't know whether or not I was supposed to do it. I don't think you should do it just because you feel terrible though.
I'm the same way. I don't get the "expectation". Then again I'm known as the meanie in real life because I drive a full size truck. It's often "assumed" I can / will help since I have a truck to help haul! NO. If I'm going out of town do I expect to drive your economy-sized car to save gas? Well alright then. Hire movers or figure it out. No one touches my truck. (sorry, rant, touchy subject for me)0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »
Myberlynnwall wrote: »[="Francl27;32842296"]I confess that after hearing everyone butchering my name, I just decided to use very common and traditional names for my kids. And also considered changing my name when I got my US citizenship a year ago... just decided against it because I didn't want more paperwork.
Even though I had a popular name, I named my kids traditional names. I tried not to give them a top 10 name like mine, but I did choose regular names with regular spellings. I 100% don't judge what other parents do. I feel like I have to say that. Not judgmental!
Also, I don't plan to change my last name since being married. My oldest has my last name and I feel like it would be pretty crappy to leave him as the only one with that name. Also, I don't care about that particular tradition and my husband doesn't care either. We know we are married.
My husband would love if I change mine, but I've had this last name for 43 years. The different last name is just not me.
If that makes sense. [/quote]
It makes sense to me!
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pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca 
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!
Fun fact: In Arabic we don't have a gender neutral word like "it" to call objects, so all objects have a gender and are either male or female, so we call them he or she depending on which gender the word falls under. Cars are, in fact, female.
That is cool. Do you get to pick the gender? So can you decide a car is female and a table male? And someone else decide the reverse? Or is everyone aligned?
I'm guessing they are always the same. In Spanish, they have the same thing like "el sol" and "la cucaracha" if you see "el" in front of something, it's masculine, "la" for feminine.
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annette_15 wrote: »Whew, finally caught up... only took all day lol.
Some confessions
Theres a lot of posts, especially the very personal, heartbreaking, sad ones I wanna respond to, but I dont know what to say because I cant really relate to most of it. I havent had people close to me die, I dont have kids and I guess I've just had a pretty 'easy' life thus far. Im always scared I'll say something that comes off wrong, so I tend to ignore it. I read it all tho
Im going to EDC in two weeks time, and I ordered some pretty out of my comfort zone rave type clothing. I will probably be doing a lot of cardio leading up to it as my outfit will be WAY more revealing than I'm used to (nowhere near what other girls wear to these things tho lol) Here's the bra I got to go with my black high wasted skirt
I'll post pictures of the whole outfit after we go
I had plans earlier today but I cancelled them cause I woke up this morning with a bug bite on my eyelid and it looks really funny cause I cant open my right eye all the way lol
That bra is adorable! Love it! Although with your eye issue, now I'm picturing you in that outfit with an eye patch!0 -
Confession: I have begun to mentally consider how I would train a replacement in only two weeks, if/when I take another position. It's been 3.5 months since one of our managers retired and the other took on both roles (volume has dropped where we definitely don't need two), and she has not once asked how or what I do. Part of me looks forward to the panic that will ensue when I give notice. Whoops.
Unrelated: We're totally going to hit 900 pages tomorrow, aren't we?0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »
This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.
See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha
Awesomely embarrassing, yes!
I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.
I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
I talk to the self check out machines too... but usually it's to curse at them LOL.
Like this?
That's how I was today at Wal-Mart. Argh!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Ok so folks that remember the litany of cats in my life... Porch Kitty showed up today with...3 kittens. God help me.
Haha! Soon you are gonna have your own mini shelter!
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I ventured on to the main board. Nope, not doing that again. Staying here in my safe thread. Sometimes I feel like I should adjust my stats to show I've lost 139/21 to go instead of the 19 down/21 to go that I have now. I've been on here since 2009, albeit mostly lurking just because of the snide comments you get on the main board. I'm not a noob. I'm also not uninformed.
God forbid anyone espouse an opinion that isn't strictly in line with what 90% of the board thinks *sigh* apparently I'm all in my feels about it.0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same timeFluffySandwich wrote: »And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here!
I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.
When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.
I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is thatAlma102724 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.
Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.
For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.
I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
I have to agree with this also. My parents were together for almost 50 years when my mom passed last year. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired at an early age. So once he retired, they were both home every day together for the past 25 years and were so close. They built their own little world in that house and now my dad has to live in it...alone. It is heartbreaking. Going through my mom's things to help clean out the house was just awful...everything in there had a memory to go with it...and we had to see my dad struggle with each item he touched. In my 36 years, I had never seen my dad cry...until last year. Now it's kind of normal to see him cry...because he does it so often.
Ugh I'm so sorry for your loss (hugs) This is why I honestly hope my father goes first (I hate even thinking about this or saying it outloud) I don't think he could live without my mother.
Yeah, my mom died almost 13 years ago and my father has never recovered. He doesn't leave the house, doesn't take care of himself, drinks beer and smokes all day. We lived at the house from the time my son was 1 until he was three, and he wasn't nearly as bad as he is now. My son, who will turn 10 next week, hasn't seen him in almost 3 years because my husband doesn't want him to know his Grampy like this. It's terribly sad, but there is nothing you can say to him that will get him to change. He just wants to "live his life", whatever that means. 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Ok so folks that remember the litany of cats in my life... Porch Kitty showed up today with...3 kittens. God help me.
Oh no! I went through a period where every animal I had was somehow pregnant. I rescued a cat whose owners just moved out of our apartment building and left her - she gave birth to three kittens about a month later.
Then, I adopted a hamster from the pet store. The next morning I heard a strange noise and low and behold she had given birth overnight, which was weird because they supposedly separate them by gender in the store. I guess I can't blame them though - because it's pretty hard to tell. After they were weaned I bought a separate cage for the boys, and one of the girls still somehow got pregnant again before I could find homes for all of them. I felt like a hamster mill.
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overlook237 wrote: »I confess that I'm ashamed of myself for not watching "Breaking Bad" sooner. I tried once before, watched the first few episodes, and thought it was boring, but this time around (thank you, Netflix), I really got into it and have joined the "OMG, such an amaaaaazing show" camp. At Target yesterday, I bought a Jesse Pinkman Funko Pop! vinyl figurine and then promptly went onto Amazon and bought a Heisenberg one. So glad to see that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul won multiple Emmys because they are awesome!
There is absolutely no purpose to this post but thought I'd share anyway
LOVE BB!!
My favorite show ever ever ever is Queer As Folk (US version).....anybody ever watch that?? My daughter and I are watching season one now, she is finally old enough to handle all the sex scenes, lol.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »overlook237 wrote: »I confess that I'm ashamed of myself for not watching "Breaking Bad" sooner. I tried once before, watched the first few episodes, and thought it was boring, but this time around (thank you, Netflix), I really got into it and have joined the "OMG, such an amaaaaazing show" camp. At Target yesterday, I bought a Jesse Pinkman Funko Pop! vinyl figurine and then promptly went onto Amazon and bought a Heisenberg one. So glad to see that Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul won multiple Emmys because they are awesome!
There is absolutely no purpose to this post but thought I'd share anyway
LOVE BB!!
My favorite show ever ever ever is Queer As Folk (US version).....anybody ever watch that?? My daughter and I are watching season one now, she is finally old enough to handle all the sex scenes, lol.
Yep I have all of the old QAF DVDs.0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »I ventured on to the main board. Nope, not doing that again. Staying here in my safe thread. Sometimes I feel like I should adjust my stats to show I've lost 139/21 to go instead of the 19 down/21 to go that I have now. I've been on here since 2009, albeit mostly lurking just because of the snide comments you get on the main board. I'm not a noob. I'm also not uninformed.
God forbid anyone espouse an opinion that isn't strictly in line with what 90% of the board thinks *sigh* apparently I'm all in my feels about it.
It really is pretty harsh out there. Midol for all of them I say!0
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