Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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MrFitness225 wrote: »KristinaAnn35 wrote: »The way I have my "cheat meals" or "cheat snacks" is by not logging them. What you all don't know, won't hurt ya. LOL. So, if I have a few cookies, or a piece of pizza, after I close out my diary, it is my little secret. O_O This is a rarity, but it is what I do.
Your dishonesty is only hurting you. You call it a little secret, I call it lack of will power.
This is a 'no judgement' zone. The clue is in the title. You're welcome to confess, to sympathize, and even to give constructive advice. But please refrain from all-out judging in a negative fashion.
^ This.
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riderfangal wrote: »
First time thing. Sigh. Oh well.
Anyway, I hope you all have a good weekend!
Wasn't this the day you were supposed to have the "talk"? Or am I completely wrong
Yes, he decided he was too tired to come over which caused another fight. We did end up talking Saturday. I'm going to try to work things out but I'm still torn. I want to try therapy and then if nothing changes, I'm done.
My heart physically hurts because I want to stay but yet leave. When things are good they are wonderful but I don't know if I can forgive, forget and trust again. That's why I want to try therapy first.
Now to catch up with the rest of the thread.
Can I ask a question, I apologise if it's intrusive. I'm guessing from some of the things you've said you live apart? But you said you've been together 11 years. Is moving in together something you've discussed? And if so what has stopped you?0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »Everyone that my husband invited decided not to come. So I get my quiet evening.
Glad to hear that you were able to relax.PhoenyxHellfyre wrote: »907 pages of lurking, and now I'm going to try poking in. Hello everyone, I hope your Saturday is going well.
Here is a confession: Lately, I've been wanting to take all the training my therapist has been having me do and chuck it out the window. (I'm autistic and a whole bunch of other things.) I'm frustrated by the idea that I have to do all this work to understand, communicate, and act like a normal person, but no one is willing to do the same for me. I'm a huge believer in equivalent exchange (Fullmetal Alchemist, anyone), and while it would be illogical to expect that from strangers, it would be nice to experience this from family and friends. At least meet me halfway, y'know?
Welcome to the thread. I like this confession because I’ve felt similar at times. I’m not autistic but I am bipolar. I try so hard to be normal and have people understand me but no one else seems to try to see things from my point of view and understand where I’m coming from. Hopefully that makes some sense…Okay so totally went and found Halo Top at Whole Foods in the town my parents live! I bought the chocolate and now I'm super sad I didn't get the rest of the flavors too!! It's super good for being so low in calories!
I went to their site the other night and was sad to find out that they don’t seem to sell this in my state (or at least not anywhere near to where I am). I’m sad. I want to try it too.
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FluffySandwich wrote: »Oh man, I should've gotten contacts. The first time I tried I took about thirty minutes to get one in my eye, and when I did it burned SO bad (probably from how much I had already irritated my eye). The woman left the room to get someone to remove it for me because she didn't want to wait another thirty minutes. I thought ''NOPE. NO ONE'S TOUCHING MY EYE!'' and got it out really fast. So I guess if you have someone nearby trying to touch my eye, I would be able to do it fast.
Second time I was going to try and the doctor said ''Can I convince you NOT to wear contacts?'' I paused, said ''yes,'' and didn't get them.
It's that way for most people I've talked to, took me about a week to finally get over poking myself in the eye. Now if it takes longer than 30 seconds to do both it's because I drop it in the sink lol.
I wore contacts for a couple years in 2000 but after a while my eyes could not stand them anymore, so I switched back... I started again 2 years ago but I admit that I'm often too lazy to put them on. I save them for beach days, sunny days in Summer so I can wear sunglasses, and when I know I'm going to have to chop some onions (best thing about contacts IMO, lol). Once my stock is gone and I need new glasses I'll get the kind that darkens in the sun again instead... just too much of a drag for me to wear contacts. I do get sore eyes from allergies, or when I'm tired, so it doesn't always work out anyway, and often after 8 hours I need to take them out.
Truth? I think I look better with glasses anyway.0 -
Hi from 30 pages back! Reading feverishly to catch up because I'm going out of town for work this afternoon and probably won't be able to get back on til Thursday. Stupid work, getting in the way of my Confessions thread!
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MrFitness225 wrote: »KristinaAnn35 wrote: »The way I have my "cheat meals" or "cheat snacks" is by not logging them. What you all don't know, won't hurt ya. LOL. So, if I have a few cookies, or a piece of pizza, after I close out my diary, it is my little secret. O_O This is a rarity, but it is what I do.
Your dishonesty is only hurting you. You call it a little secret, I call it lack of will power.
Reading comprehension. Give it a try.
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Update: FIL is home from the hospital (as of Thursday night). So far things are going alright. He's still got to take it easy, and the meds will take time and multiple adjustments, but overall, things are peachy.
NSV: Made it back to the gym to lift yesterday (SL5x5, how I've missed you), and it was AWESOME. Despite the spotty attendance the last few weeks month, I can now pull up more than half my body weight! Gonna hit up the gym for some cardio this evening, and get back into the swing of things.
Confession: I want to eat everything marshmallow right now. It's 10:15am.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »...I think I had my old profile picture for too long. I keep re-reading my own posts, thinking they're from some new poster, because of the picture... Then I'm all like, "Wait, that's me. Idiot."
That made me laugh. And then I had to look at your username, because I didn't recognize the picture. I totally associate you with the smiling cartoon girl!0 -
I can't handle glasses 24/7. I primarily wear contacts and then pop them out the minute I get home from work!
I've been wearing contacts for 19 years so I can take them out put them in no problem. 0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »ddrhellbunny wrote: »So I got into a car accident on Friday and damaged my car to where I can't legally drive it. Both the girl and I are ok and we exchanged information and no damage to either of us but, damn. I didn't need this. 300 deductible as well for the shop
To top it off I talked to my manager about not being able to get to work til Thursday when my car gets back from the shop and she said she could give me the days off.
Well come schedule time, guess what days she put me working?? I'm like did you forget or what? Ugh. Told her unless someone picks me up I can't get there and I have no friends here. Not my week. I have several doubles this week too so it'll be stress.
I also ate an entire cookies and cream gelato pint from taleni. It was delicious, but I was self medicating with food. Whoops, but it was good.
GOD I NEED A VACATION. / endrant
Glad you are ok, but that's rough! Is there anyone that you work with that lives close to you that could give you a ride? Maybe you could give them some money for gas. Could your manager help with that?
I can possibly get a ride from someone for tuesday's shift but for wednesday's double it will be harder. My manager even offered to get me, which is nice, but I had being a burden on people -_-
@Francl27 I don't have renters insurance so once I drop my car off today, I get to walk home. Looks like it'll take me an hour or so. This is gonna be a FUN day.
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pearso21123 wrote: »On Friday, my 13-year-old daughter told me that she's been depressed for over a year and wanted to go see a therapist. This was after a major meltdown over what should have been a minor incident. We'd noticed she's been withdrawn and has been spending a lot of time in her room, but thought it was just typical teenage moodiness. I'll be calling the dr. first thing tomorrow, but have also been doing some research and trying to find things to do on our end. This isn't something I've ever dealt with before. One of the things that was recommended was getting her out of her isolation, as well as exercise. I brought her with me to work today (I work at a university library). She's currently out collecting books (she loves to read) and hitting the Cyber Cafe. She seems very happy today. I also spoke to her about joining a gym together, at least for the summer, and she was very receptive to the idea. So, we'll be going to the YMCA tomorrow to check it out. I'm a little scared to join a gym, as I don't like working out in front of people. But, I'm willing to do it for her. She's excited that they might have a pool. I told her there's no way I'm wearing a bathing suit in public, but she's welcome to swim without me. Anyway, this isn't really a confession, but I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Aww, I have to say this is so awesome. I’m glad to hear that you are such a good mother. Please do what you can to help her. I’ve been there. I wish that I had felt more comfortable talking to my parents about depression when I was a kid. My family is amazing but I always felt like I was going to freak them out or let them down if I told them how depressed and hopeless I felt. It makes me happy that you want to be there for her and are willing to talk to her about it. Thank you!0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »pearso21123 wrote: »I just finished reading the "You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?" thread and now am feeling very grateful for my friends and family. I have only had good comments about my weight loss, so far. Of course, I still have a long ways to go. But man, reading that thread made me realize how rude and unsupportive some people are.
I first got down to my normal weight nearly 20 years ago. I went from around 500 to around 175. People who didn't recognize me treated me completely differently than they did when I was big. I got smiles and courtesy, doors held open - and I don't mean flirting, it was men and women, any ages, the way they treated me was night and day. People who were absolutely cold and wouldn't acknowledge me before would go out of their way to say hi.
Overall, I'd say that had a far bigger impact on me than the random "you need to eat a hot pocket" type comments I'd get once in a while. I'm very distrustful of people in general, now. It takes a very long time before I decide if they're actually a nice person, or if they're a "nice as long as you fit my cookie cutter mold" person. Outside of some dysfunctional family relationships, most of the comments like those in that thread will stop after people get used to seeing the smaller version of the person, but the really rude and unsupportive people are far more subtle.
the massive difference in ppl i experienced after losing 100lbs was ridiculous, i can't imagine how that must have been for you. it's made me even more bitter and cynical about people in general. because i can't help but think, how different would i be if for my whole life people just treated me like a normal person and were nice? or even just decent?
Gosh that sucks, I'm sorry y'all must have just encountered some pretty *kitten* people I can't believe people treat others that way because of their size it's so mind boggling to me!
Until yesterday, there was a subreddit on reddit called fatpeoplehate. It had over 100k members around the world. They would comb MFP and sparkpeople and instagram for people's before pictures, post them in their group, and make fun of them. Some of the really dedicated ones would track those people down on social media and harass them directly. It finally got nuked yesterday because they posted the names/addresses/etc of the owners of Imgur, in retaliation for Imgur removing some of fph's stolen images from their website.
Today, those 100k+ members are running around the internet protesting the violation of their "free speech" to harass people and steal their pictures, while some others are complaining because they considered those stolen images and the millions of posts making fun of them to be good inspiration for their own weight loss.
There are a lot of screwed up people in the world.
Wow!! Are you kidding me?! First off that's absolutely horrendous and heartbreaking! Second off who the hell has that much time on their hands to do something so evil?! I'm truly appalled and disgusted.
I'd love to see real time pictures of the people that were making fun of people that lost weight!
That was always a running joke about the people who posted there - they'd use /r/keto or /r/loseit or /r/fitness, but they would never ever ever post their own before and after pics. The part that infuriates me the most is that most of the weight loss subs have at least one thread discussing it getting deleted and why it happened (the actual cyberstalking and revealing people's personal info is what crossed the line). They all have people talking about how fph was such an inspiration to them or so entertaining. In those same threads, there are some of the victims who had their own photos stolen and posted there, and some who were cyberstalked all over reddit or onto their social media pages, and they're talking about how traumatic it was, how they had to delete their facebook or instagram, etc. People couldn't even see past their own entertainment, while trying to lose weight, to see how that entertainment was psychologically torturing other people right beside them trying to lose weight.
This is enough for me to NEVER post a before picture of myself. Ever. Actually it doesn't matter because I'm pretty sure there will never be an after picture for it to matter. (Weighed this morning- heaviest I have ever been without being pregnant) Good times.
Sure there will, and it will help you a lot more having it as your wallpaper on your computer than posting it for a bunch of internet strangers anyway.
@JPW1990 I'm way behind, but why are you in MFP jail?
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ddrhellbunny wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »ddrhellbunny wrote: »So I got into a car accident on Friday and damaged my car to where I can't legally drive it. Both the girl and I are ok and we exchanged information and no damage to either of us but, damn. I didn't need this. 300 deductible as well for the shop
To top it off I talked to my manager about not being able to get to work til Thursday when my car gets back from the shop and she said she could give me the days off.
Well come schedule time, guess what days she put me working?? I'm like did you forget or what? Ugh. Told her unless someone picks me up I can't get there and I have no friends here. Not my week. I have several doubles this week too so it'll be stress.
I also ate an entire cookies and cream gelato pint from taleni. It was delicious, but I was self medicating with food. Whoops, but it was good.
GOD I NEED A VACATION. / endrant
Glad you are ok, but that's rough! Is there anyone that you work with that lives close to you that could give you a ride? Maybe you could give them some money for gas. Could your manager help with that?
I can possibly get a ride from someone for tuesday's shift but for wednesday's double it will be harder. My manager even offered to get me, which is nice, but I had being a burden on people -_-
@Francl27 I don't have renters insurance so once I drop my car off today, I get to walk home. Looks like it'll take me an hour or so. This is gonna be a FUN day.
The shop will usually give you a ride home. Just ask.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »ddrhellbunny wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »ddrhellbunny wrote: »So I got into a car accident on Friday and damaged my car to where I can't legally drive it. Both the girl and I are ok and we exchanged information and no damage to either of us but, damn. I didn't need this. 300 deductible as well for the shop
To top it off I talked to my manager about not being able to get to work til Thursday when my car gets back from the shop and she said she could give me the days off.
Well come schedule time, guess what days she put me working?? I'm like did you forget or what? Ugh. Told her unless someone picks me up I can't get there and I have no friends here. Not my week. I have several doubles this week too so it'll be stress.
I also ate an entire cookies and cream gelato pint from taleni. It was delicious, but I was self medicating with food. Whoops, but it was good.
GOD I NEED A VACATION. / endrant
Glad you are ok, but that's rough! Is there anyone that you work with that lives close to you that could give you a ride? Maybe you could give them some money for gas. Could your manager help with that?
I can possibly get a ride from someone for tuesday's shift but for wednesday's double it will be harder. My manager even offered to get me, which is nice, but I had being a burden on people -_-
@Francl27 I don't have renters insurance so once I drop my car off today, I get to walk home. Looks like it'll take me an hour or so. This is gonna be a FUN day.
The shop will usually give you a ride home. Just ask.
Thanks, that makes me feel a little better :] hope they will haha.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »Thanks for your kind comments, guys
I just dug out a dress of mine from last year and put it on to see if it was fit to bring to Punta Cana. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt ok... but I always feel like mirrors lie to me.
I got out my new camera and took a VIDEO OF MYSELF standing in my dress to see what it looked like on camera. I have to say I'm pretty horrified by how terrible my arms look. Maybe with a tan my scars and such won't be as visible... man, those arms!! 
EDIT: NO. This is bad. I posted this and I told myself I need to stop hating on myself. So, to take back some damage.... I really like my dimples
EDIT2: I don't want to bring my glasses to the beach to get them lost or stolen while I'm swimming... and I don't wear contacts, so it looks like I might have a partially blind trip.
You are so adorable, I do not understand how you can hate on yourself!!
Don't you need your glasses while swimming if you wear them all the time? Mine come right with me in the pool. What about an older pair that you can use and if they get ruined no biggie?
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pearso21123 wrote: »I read a little about anti-depressants, and they scare me. It says they can cause suicidal thoughts in teens with depression. How is that going to help? I'm not ruling them out, but they definitely aren't a first-resort measure.
Meds may work for a lot of people but I'm glad you are being careful. I can't take anything because every single one I tried had bad side effects (including the one you mentioned above). If you do try any medication, tell your daughter to be honest with you about any side effects she has so you know if it is doing more harm than good.0 -
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@Tubbs216 I can very much relate to the anemia / heavy period issue. At one point I had lost so much blood I passed out and the doctors put me on steriods and wanted to give me a transfusion. (I was 17 years old). It took awhile to build up the iron so I was ok. I also (seperately and years later) have been a different type of anemic realating to B-12 where I had Vitamin B shots monthly for awhile. So please stay on top of it with her and ugh, I'm sorry she's dealing with it. It can drain so much energy from a person.
I can attest to how draining it can be too.....while it never affects my mood, I can see how it can....I sometimes sleep for 12 hours and will STILL feel tired a few hours later. I have had anemia for about 6 years now....and at one point it was so bad they said they wanted to give me two bags of blood and that still would not put me up to par. I cannot take blood because of my OCD, so it took a LONG time to be ok again.....I would have to spend almost all my time off work sleeping or I would get dizzy and not be able to hold my head up straight.
Now they have found out that I am not producing enough red blood cells....so I am waiting to see a blood specialist....finally this fall (made the appt in Jan!!). But they are guessing it is chronic disease anemia caused by long term type one diabetes (of course, it causes a million problems!).
On a funny related note.....I take depo shots so I do not have any bleeding at all because of it....and every time I get it, every eight weeks, my DR will ask if I have had any bleeding as they will move the shots closer and closer together as that happens. Every time, she always ends that part of the conversation with "ok, just try not to lose any blood".
Finally the last time I got my shot, I replied and said "Can we just assume that I am never TRYING to lose blood, any blood I am losing is always by accident...ok?"0 -
I think I was in the office half the day when I first learned to put in my contact lenses. I've been wearing contacts since I was 13, so 28+ years. It's pretty much second nature now. I have the ones you can sleep in, I generally take them out once a week or so, or when they feel dry.
I could not go anywhere without contacts, I'm legally blind without them. When I go to the eye dr without lenses, I can see that there's a light on the wall, but I can't even tell that the big "E" at the top of the chart is there. Blind.0 -
Last night, I couldn't sleep and I was feeling pretty depressed, and I ended up writing rather than sleeping. As I mentioned before, I often use poetry to express emotions, so I wrote a new poem. I don't feel that I can share it on Wattpad; it's too personal and I also feel that it's a little too dark for the atmosphere I try to maintain there. But I figured (well, I hope anyway...) nobody would mind if I shared it here, and some might be able relate to it.Broken14/06/15
Sometimes I think my body’s like
A hollow husk of skin
The pieces inside like scattered shards
Of glass; piercing me within
They’re the thoughts that ravage me
That tear at my heart, my soul
Until I feel there’s nothing left
But bloody, ragged holes
They’re the emotions; the ones that choke
Like a damp blanket on my face
I gasp, I panic, I try to breathe
But all my effort goes to waste
It’s the dread that follows me
As I go about my day
It haunts and whispers nasty things
And it just won’t go away
I cut my fingers as I try so hard
To reconnect those broken shards
With a glue of hope, of life and love
And hope for healing with no scars
Sometimes the pain is just too much
And I run off to hide awhile
To cry a little, lick my wounds
And not have to fake a smile
I take refuge in the arms of the one I love
For him I’ll keep trying my all
He’s always there to soothe the hurt
And to catch me when I fall
He deserves to have the best
So even as I sob and wish to die
I get up and keep going through the dark
Praying for my tears to one day dry
So back I go to try again
Maybe today will be the day
As long as there’s life in this broken shell
Faith in God will lead the way
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